


bring light to all of my darkness

by gaypurgatory, wynhaaught



Category: Wynonna Earp (TV)
Genre: Alcohol, Best Friend Wynaught, Canon Compliant, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Little bit of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-22
Updated: 2021-01-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 20:49:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28909614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gaypurgatory/pseuds/gaypurgatory, https://archiveofourown.org/users/wynhaaught/pseuds/wynhaaught
Summary: Waverly and Nicole worry about Wynonna when she starts spiraling after killing Holt. Nicole finds Wynonna struggling in the barn. They talk.
Relationships: Waverly Earp/Nicole Haught, Wynonna Earp & Nicole Haught
Comments: 13
Kudos: 88





	bring light to all of my darkness

“Do you think she’s okay out there?” Waverly asks once again. She asks every single night now. She’s asked every single night since BBD ambushed Wynonna and kidnapped her from right under their noses. 

Nicole usually answers with a steady  _ “I’m sure she is”  _ but tonight feels different. Her chest aches and she can’t muster up the familiar phrase. The feeling in the pit of her chest is not unlike the one she lived with for the almost two years she spent with only Rachel at her side. 

“I don’t think so this time. I’m going to go check on her,” Nicole finally says.

“I’ll come with you.”

“No… Just… Let me. You know she doesn’t like you seeing her like this.” 

Waverly tilts her head, pleading with her eyes for just one moment before relenting. “You’re right… I wish--”

Nicole walks over to her fianceé and places her arms gently on Waverly’s shoulders. Soft brown eyes look into green ones. She says, “You’re her whole world, Waves. She likes being strong for you. If she’s-- How she has been lately, you know she won’t want you to see her like this.”

Ever since the night of their engagement, Wynonna drinks more than she used to--and that’s saying something. Even completely whiskey-soaked and barely coherent, Wynonna spends all day hunting. When Wynonna  _ does  _ talk, she’s either mumbling nonsense and laughing, or saying self-deprecating tidbits that usually send Waverly into a fit of sadness. 

“Okay, baby,” Waverly acquiesces, nodding. “Be careful?”

“Always am. I’ll be back when I know she’s alright. Hopefully, it won’t be long.” 

Waverly nods with a sad smile on her lips. They share a sweet, short kiss before Nicole grabs her jacket and heads out to the barn. 

A few feet away from the entrance, Nicole hears Wynonna singing something loudly and intelligibly. The woman had been making up so many songs, Nicole had stopped trying to figure them all out. Nicole shakes her head as she reaches for the barn day. The sound of Wynonna’s slurred singing reaches her ears in full volume now. 

“Wynonna?” Nicole calls out. She doesn’t see her immediately. Her eyes scan the building, narrowing when she can’t find her. 

“Up-- up here, Red!” Wynonna calls drunkenly, hiccuping as she stammers. 

Nicole follows the sound of Wynonna’s voice and finds her standing shakily on one of the high beams above the barn. One hand loosely clutches a wooden post that attaches to the roof while the other tightly clutches an almost-empty bottle of Jack Daniels. 

“Wynonna! What the hell are you doing up there?!” Nicole doesn’t mean to sound as harsh as she knows she does, but the worry seizes her whole. “Please get down!”

“Ooooohhhh, you worried about the useless drunk? Oh no!” Wynonna makes a show of  _ almost  _ slipping off of the beam. Nicole moves before she can think and stands just beneath where Wynonna’s spiraling. 

“Earp! This shit isn’t funny! You’re gonna hurt yourself. Get. Down!” 

Wynonna rolls her eyes and brings the mouth of the bottle to her lips for a long drink of her whiskey. A second later, chuckles. “Always with the bossy bossy. You didn’t learn to loosen up at all while I was gone?” Wynonna slurs. “Naw, probably wound up tighter without your fun bestie around, eh?” 

“Yeah, yeah. Bossy Haught, that’s me. So, so bossy, because I want my  _ best friend  _ to be safe down here with me. Wynonna, pl-- WYNONNA!” 

It happens in a blur. Wynonna  _ really  _ slips this time and Nicole reaches out just in time to catch the woman before she breaks  _ something.  _ The bottle of Jack hits the ground with a dull thud, but doesn’t break.  _ Of course, Wynonna saves the whiskey bottle when she’s about to fall to critical injuries.  _

Nicole brings her arms in as close as she can, clutching tightly to her best friend. She can feel her own arms trembling--but not because Wynonna is too heavy to hold. In this moment, she feels that she holds the entire weight of the world in her arms. Wynonna Earp has saved the world how many times at this point? The world needs this woman… She’d already done so damn much. 

Nicole trains her gaze on Wynonna’s face. Sad, blue eyes look back at her. Nicole notes the shift from overly goofy, showboating mess to deeply saddened, empty friend. It threatens to bring tears to her eyes. She definitely made the right decision asking Waverly to stay in the house.

“Nice catch,” Wynonna comments. Her voice sounds a little more even now. Nicole wonders if the adrenaline of the fall has sobered Wynonna up. She chuckles humorlessly and adds, “If only I’d been down in that basement to catch you, huh? You coulda gone with me.” 

“Wynonna, I would have crushed you to death from a fall that high…” Nicole breathes. 

“A girl can dream.” Wynonna sounds completely defeated. 

For Nicole, that’s ancient history… For Wynonna… Well, none of them know exactly how long it really was for them. Wynonna says it couldn’t have been more than a couple hours. Doc and Waverly say days. No one knows. If for Wynonna, it feels like hours… It couldn’t have been that long ago. 

“Maybe if I fucking paid attention like Smalldez said, my stupid ass wouldn’t have stepped on the fucking grate in the first place,” she murmurs. 

Nicole shakes her head. She doesn’t speak a word as she walks over to Wynonna’s bed and lies her gently onto it. “It wasn’t your fault, Earp.”

“Bullshit. It’s all my fucking fault. All of it. Everything--” Wynonna pulls her knees to her chest and hugs herself tight. 

_ Has she always been this small? _ Nicole wonders. Quickly, she realizes the answer.  _ No. She just isn’t eating much anymore.  _ There’s no way in hell Nicole’s leaving her friend like this. She climbs into bed next to Wynonna and sits close to her. 

“Hey…” she beckons sweetly, reaching over to take Wynonna’s hand. “Don’t say that. Don’t fucking say that, okay? You did what you had to do. We were scared and trying to hurry. I don’t blame you. And I’d fall down the stupid grate again and again if it meant saving you. Every. Time. You came back to me.  _ We’re  _ here now. It’s okay.” 

As Nicole keeps her eyes studying the Earp woman carefully, she thinks for a moment that she’s breaking through to her. There’s a slight twitch of Wynonna’s lips, but it disappears as soon as it happens. The thin line is set again and she shakes her head. 

“Came back to you being fuckin’ cursed and fuckin’ dying. Again. For my useless ass. I told you to stop fucking dying…” Wynonna whispers the last bit mostly to herself. 

Despite herself, Nicole laughs, leaning her head against Wynonna’s. “That one’s on me, Earp. I should’ve held out longer. I shouldn’t have made that deal. I don’t know what I was thinking. I know you would have made it back on your own.” 

“But what if we didn’t?” Wynonna asks immediately. “No, Red. You probably saved us. Again.” Wynonna nudges her best friend with her shoulder. “Besides, it definitely wasn’t even a full day for me… Who knows how long it woulda been for you if we got out on our own without your help? We already spent too much time away from you.” 

Nicole and Wynonna look at each other in the same moment. They should have had this talk weeks ago. Nicole hopes it’s healing Wynonna as much as it pieces together some of the still-cracked pieces of her heart. 

“You did the right thing, Haught. I just wish-- I wish you didn’t always have to fucking die. It never gets easy to watch you do that even if it seems to be your favorite fucking thing to do.” 

“I don’t wanna die, Wynonna. But when it comes to you and Waverly… I’ll do what I have to to keep you both safe. You’d do it for me. You always do,” Nicole reasons. “Besides, I always come back.” This time, Nicole nudges Wynonna. “I think the reason it never sticks is because the universe knows you can’t live without me.” 

Wynonna feels the bile rise in her throat as the conversation drags on. Even as Nicole jokes with a nudge and a smile, Wynonna can’t help the way it sickens her to think about. She does her best to laugh, but chokes on it. Clearing her throat, she admits softly, “I don’t think I could.” 

The earnesty had stopped taking Nicole by surprise a while ago. No matter how much the two of them drive each other up and down the walls of Purgatory, they are always honest with one another when it matters. 

“Well we know I can’t,” Nicole offers. “I tried… But it was too hard. Eventually, I had to choose. If I didn’t get you guys back I couldn’t--” She shakes her head, cutting off her thoughts. “I’d rather be cursed than live without you. I think you know what that’s like.” 

“Huh… Think you’d be better off without me… Bet the almost dying would be at least cut in half.” 

It feels like a hot poker drives through Nicole’s heart when Wynonna speaks those words with such conviction. The tears from earlier are back, threatening to spill over the edge of her lids and fall freely down her cheeks. “Don’t fucking say that.” 

Wynonna looks down at her hands, avoiding the intensity of Haught’s gaze that she  _ knows _ will be staring back at her.

The time in between… Nicole remembers hearing Wynonna’s voice. When Wynonna doesn’t look at her, she unloads everything she’s wanted to since they got back.

“Being without you guys... I barely slept... barely ate for a while. Then, when my leg got better and I got angry at myself. I worked out, built stuff. Did everything I could to keep Rachel safe, to protect the house.” 

Wynonna forces herself to look at Nicole as she speaks. This conversation has been a long time coming and Wynonna won’t miss a beat of it. She wishes she could climb inside her friend’s head to understand and help her with everything she’s been through without them. But, she just listens.

“Some nights, when she went to sleep, I'd go sit out in your truck and talk to you. Pretend you could hear me. The world went to shit without you and so did I. So no, Wynonna. Nobody’s better off without you, least of all me.”

Blue eyes shine with a vulnerability she’s not used to sharing with most people, but Haught has always drawn it out in her. “What if-- What if I don’t know who I am anymore? What if I’m not-- That person anymore? The one you--” Tears end her questioning. She ducks her head more to try to hide herself as she cries quietly. 

A strong arm drapes over Wynonna’s shoulder and squeezes her tightly. “I don’t think I’m the same person you left in Monument, either. But whoever we are… You’re still my best friend. I still love you. Nothing will change that. Not death, not any curse, not the end of the world. We’ll figure it out. Together like we always do. I got you, Earp.” 

Wynonna allows herself the time to be weak. She leans into Nicole in a way she hasn’t been able to lean on anyone in so long. Her arms stay crossed over her abdomen as she rests her head against Nic’s. “Still love me even though I’m a killer?” 

_ There it is.  _ Nicole thinks. Killing Holt. And all the others who had been put down by Peacemaker. Every shot of a gun takes its toll on a person, especially when the shot is fatal. Nicole remembers from her time as an officer. 

“You did what you had to do to keep us safe. So did Waverly. You’re not evil. This curse has taken so fucking much from you,” Nicole reminds her. “So… Yes, I still love you. I’ll always love you. And you’ll always be my hero.” 

Wynonna looks at her fingernails closely. She starts to pick at the skin around them until her fingers begin to bleed.

Nicole doesn’t even look when she reaches out to pry one of Wynonna’s hands away from the other, redirecting it to rest in her lap. She remembers her nervous habits. She knows  _ her.  _

“I love you, too,” Wynonna finally says so softly. “Thanks… For… Just thanks.” 

“Y’know, I’ve known it forever, but still nice to hear Wynonna Earp say she loves me.” Nicole laughs again quietly. 

For a short while, they sit in silence, crying softly next to one another. Nicole feels the weight of her chest lift with each passing moment that she knows Wynonna is okay.  _ She’s okay.  _

Wynonna sobers with each passing moment, most of it having passed when she fell. It’s nice to know that even if Doc has decided to pass judgment on her for the decision she made, she still has Nicole and Waverly--that she would always have Nicole and Waverly. 

“Hey… Why don’t you sleep in the house tonight? You can sleep with Waves and I’ll take the couch in our room. It’s too cold and you don’t need to be alone,” Nicole begins. After a second, she clarifies, “I don’t want you to be alone.” 

A small laugh escapes the brunette as she shrugs. “I don’t think Waves’ll give up her bonus blanket, Haughty. I’m okay here. Promise not to do anymore climbing.” 

Nicole narrows her eyes at the other woman, calculating. 

“What?” Wynonna asks with an uneasy chuckle. 

“Nope. Not taking no for an answer.” 

Before Wynonna can grill Nicole, the redhead is on her feet beside the bed. She reaches out and takes Wynonna’s hand, pulling the woman forward. Even if Wynonna's mind is sobering, her head still spins with the aches of the familiar pangs of  _ hangover.  _ She’s helpless when Nicole throws her over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes and starts to carry her towards the house. Wynonna doesn’t even put up a fight because she doesn’t want to actually be alone anymore than Nicole wants her to be. 

Nicole opens the door and finds Waverly sitting in the kitchen while something stews on the stove. 

“What did you two get into now?” Waverly asks, shaking her head. 

“Oh, I just caught this drunken ass falling from a high beam in the barn. Then, we talked. I told her she has to sleep with you tonight. I’ll take the couch in the room.” 

Wynonna struggles to get free now, wriggling and smacking Nicole’s back. “I’m not fucking making you sleep on the couch--can you please put me down. I’m still-- The room is spinning.” 

“Not until you say you’re sleeping with Waves.” 

“‘Nonna… just sleep with me tonight,” Waverly begs sweetly. 

“Fuck you! Why should I!?”

Waverly stomps her foot and crosses her arms over her chest, glaring at her older sister. “Because Nicole’s gonna sleep on the couch anyway to be a stubborn ass and prove a point to you and I’ll be grumpy if I have to sleep alone!” 

“She’s right, you know…” Nicole supports her fianceé. 

Wynonna is silent for one more minute before groaning comically. “Fuck! Fine! Now, put me down before I piss on you, Haught.” 

Nicole puts her best friend down and smirks when she walks off to find the bathroom. 

Waverly shakes her head and approaches the love of her life with a gentle shove. “Our bed’s big enough for the three of us… Why’d you say you’d sleep on the couch?”

“I just wanted her to argue with me,” Nicole declares fondly, looking off towards where Wynonna’s disappeared with a dreamlike expression. 

“What am I gonna do with you two?” 

“Tonight? A slumber party. Tomorrow? Well let’s just see if Wyn can have a good day.”


End file.
